


Das Kleid

by Signe_chan



Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Asexual Character, Asexual!Hermann, Crossdressing, Crossdressing!Newt, M/M, Relationship Negotiation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-06
Updated: 2015-09-06
Packaged: 2018-04-19 08:42:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4740050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Signe_chan/pseuds/Signe_chan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hermann didn't know why he bought the dress.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Das Kleid

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to Tojie for beta reading XD

Hermann didn't know why he bought the dress. 

It caught his eye as he was walking down a street in San Francisco. He was taking a walk, enjoying a blessed one day break before he was whisked away to the next stop of their press tour. A press tour that would have been infinitely more tolerable if he was not forced to do it alone. But there were so few of them left and so many demands on their time. 

The dress wasn't anything that he would have noticed before. A retro dress. Something from the 50's in cut. The fabric a patchwork of cartoon Kaiju. He saw it in passing and there was a sudden overwhelming sense of _yeswantplease_ in a voice not his own filling his mind. 

A fragment of the drift. He should have thrown it off, carried on walking, but the need was an ache in his stomach and somehow he found himself going into the shop. Found himself browsing the racks for Newton's size (which he had known before the drift, thank you very much) and parting with hard earned money as the tattooed sales assistant wrapped it for him. 

He'd taken it back to the hotel, placed it in the bottom of his suitcase and tried to forget it. 

Of course, every time he unpacked his case he remembered it again. Of course it was still there when he returned to the Shatterdome, more than ready to resume his ordinary life. He folded it up and slid it under his bed. But the question still remained as to what he should do with it. 

He had found, on his press tour, that the world at large seemed to misunderstand how the drift worked. They held a romantic vision, imagining that when two people went into the drift together they emerged with a perfect understanding of each other, a perfect shared knowledge. 

Hermann did not have a perfect knowledge of Newton. 

He had fragments. Images, smells. Physical sensations echoed, like deja vu but once removed. Thoughts would ricochet around his head, feeling foreign. It was fragments, snatches. Sense-memory and half-formed ideas. 

He knew that Newt would like the dress, but he didn't know why. He'd bought it in Newt's size but what if the point was to see a woman in it, not to wear it himself? What if Hermann was wrong entirely? 

He thought about throwing it away or shredding it. It seemed a waste, though, when he'd been halfway around world with it in his bag. In the end he left the lab before Newton one evening and placed the bag outside Newton’s door before going to shower. It was easier. No attachments, no questions. An anonymous gift to be appreciated or not, they need never speak of it. 

Of course, thirty minutes later, there was a pounding on his door. 

"Dude, what even is this?" Newton said, shoving the bag under Hermann's nose. Hermann backed up quickly, letting Newt into the room so the door shut behind him. 

"I'm sure I don't know." 

"No, don't give me that. The bag says it's from San Francisco. You were the one who went through there." 

"You're delusional," he said, though he couldn't stop the flush rising on his cheeks. Clearly he'd been wrong. Clearly the echo in his mind had been incomplete. 

"I'm not," Newt insisted. He shoved the bag onto Hermann's desk. "Besides, you're the only one who's been in my head. You're the only one who'd even think to buy a dress in my size." 

"There was an echo," Hermann admitted. There didn't seem to be any point in denying it further. "Clearly I was wrong. If you don't like it, leave it and go." 

"It's not that I don't like it," Newton said. "It's that I don't get you, man. I don't get why you did this. What do you get out of it?" 

"I saw it, I believed you'd like it and I bought it. I'm not sure what more you want from me." 

"As simple as that?" Newt asked. 

"How could it be more complicated? Do you want it or should I incinerate it?" 

"Jesus, don't incinerate it," Newton said, snatching the bag back up. "I just...I'm not going to sleep with you because you bought me a dress." 

"Good, I don't want to sleep with you." 

"What?" 

"I don't want to sleep with you. Was I not clear the first time?" 

"Oh," Newton said. He looked disappointed, which was ridiculous as he was the one who'd started this game of declaring their lack of intention to sleep with each other. "But...normally, when people find out about the dresses they...they want stuff, that's all." 

"You thought I was giving you this dress to bribe you into sleeping with me?" 

"Yeah," Newton admitted. He sat down on the edge of the bed. "I mean...people find out about one thing and they presume a lot of other shit. Most people who've seen me in a dress presume that I'm into something kinky. They want to hit me or something and, hey man, I'm not kink shaming but that's not what turns me on." 

"So, specifically, you thought I was buying you a dress as a precursor to asking to hit you?" 

"Hey, I have precedent on this shit, man. Don't judge." 

"Far from it," Herman said, rolling his eyes. "Well, let me make it plain to you that I don't intend to get sexual gratification from hitting you and the dress is just a gift. I saw it and there was a fragment of a desire. You can either wear it or not." 

"Thanks, I guess," Newton said, tightening his hold on the bag. "I just...I guess I'll just go?" 

"If you wish," Hermann said. He pretended to turn back to his work but his focus was still on Newton. Newton who stood and went to the door, waited there for a second. 

He raised his hand to the door then stopped. Turned and looked at Hermann again. "I just...when you said you didn't want to have sex with me..."

"I don't want to have sex." 

"Oh. It's just that...in the drift...I thought maybe...but I must have been wrong." 

Hermann sighed and set his work aside. He would not be getting anything done tonight, clearly. "What did you feel in the drift?" 

"Nothing," Newton said, scuffing his toes on the floor. "I just...it felt like you cared about me? Like...I don't know, dude. It feel weird but, like, like you loved me? Or just...I don't know..."

"Of all the idiots I have shared lab space with," Hermann said, carefully. "You are the most tolerable. You're intelligent, unafraid to tell me I'm wrong, but also charming when you choose to be. And dedicated. I...care for you." 

"But you don't want to have sex with me?" 

"It isn't personal," Hermann said with a shrug. "I believe that if I did want sex, I'd want it with you. But I don't." 

"Because of the pain in your hip?" 

It would be an easy lie but Hermann still couldn't bring himself to use it. "No, Newton. I'll admit that the pain probably would not help but I have never had any desire for sex. And before you continue, no, I do not just need to meet the right man or woman. I do not need to be cured. I have been to bed with people, It was unsatisfying. There are better uses of my time." 

Newton was quiet at that, but he didn't leave. Instead he drifted back to Hermann's bed. Sat with his head in his hands, clearly thinking. Hermann watched him. 

"Okay," Newton said after a short time. "So, no sex. I get that. But what about kissing and cuddling and shit?" 

"Kissing is fine," Hermann said. "I find cuddling quite pleasant." 

"Okay," Newton said. He stood slowly. "See, the thing is, man, I care about you too." 

"Newton, we're incompatible." 

"See, I don't think we need to be. I think we can work. I mean, there's going to be compromise but what relationship doesn't have compromise?" 

"You want sex. I do not. I won't lie to you, Newton. I sincerely doubt that I will ever want sex." 

"Okay, but how would you feel if, very occasionally, I went and found someone else to help me with that. Just casual things. Maybe, like, once every three months? I've still got my hand too." 

Hermann considered it. The thought was, actually, not terribly repulsive. There was a certain appeal to the idea. "So, what would our relationship involve?" 

"Hugs? Kissing? You coming round to my place in the evening to watch bad movies and bitch at me about the mess? Not sleeping alone? Does any of that sound good?" 

"Yes," Hermann said, as it all sounded terribly good. Almost too good to be true. "And the dresses?" 

"Yeah, well, they don't matter," Newton said. "I can do without them." 

"I didn't ask you to sacrifice them," Hermann said. “I simply want to know, if they're not about sex then what are they about? Are you a woman in some way?" 

"No. I mean, I thought maybe for a while, but I’m pretty sure I’m a dude. I just...it's stupid," Newton grumbled. "I don't need to wear them." 

"Tell me." 

"i just...I like that they make me feel pretty, alright? I put them on and I feel all...soft? I mean, I don't know how to describe it, Hermann. They just make me happy." 

"And you think I'd ask you to give up something that made you happy?" 

"Well, no. But I'll wear them when you're not around is all. I just..." 

"Newton, go into the bathroom and get changed." 

"What?" 

"I'm not in the habit of repeating myself. If you believe this can work, let's try. Go and get changed. I paid far too much money for that dress, I would like to see you in it. And then I believe we should....cuddle, for want of a better word. And I have some documentaries I've been meaning to watch, if you're interested." 

"Oh, yeah, cool." Newton said, jumping to his feet. "I just...there's stuff in my room. I've gotta...yeah...I'll just..." 

As he spoke he made his way to the door then ducked out quickly. Hermann waited for a few seconds then turned back to his papers, trying to tamp down on the hurt. Of course Newton would run out of the room at the thought of them spending the evening together. He'd been a fool to allow himself that brief glimmer of hope. 

Then the door was banging open again and Newton was rushing through to the bathroom, locking the door behind him. 

Hermann stood slowly from his chair. He put his work away. He queued up his documentaries, arranged pillows on the bed. There was a growing tension in his gut. He hadn't thought that his evening would move in this direction. Hadn't dared to dream that it might. He'd given up on affection a long time ago, it always came with a caveat. But what Newton was offering...

The door to the bathroom opened and Newton came out. He looked, well, adorable. He'd put on makeup, presumably what he'd rushed back to his room for, and the dress fit. He stood there in the doorway biting his lip and Hermann's heart skipped a beat. He still looked like himself, still broad shouldered and muscled and with all those tattoos, but cute none the less. Herman ached to wrap his arms around him and hold him close. 

If this did work, Newton was clearly going to be the death of him. 

"God, I'm sorry," Newton blurted, suddenly. "I must look like an idiot. I'll just go change back." 

"Don't you dare," Herman said, reaching over to catch his hand. "You look lovely, Newton." 

"You don't need to say that." 

"I know. And yet I say it anyway. Come here." 

Newton took a few hesitant steps forward and Hermann reached up, wrapping his arms around him. For a second it was awkward then Newton relaxed, leaning his weight into Hermann and bringing his head to rest on Hermann's shoulder. 

It was nice. Warm. Comfortable. He had hugged before, obviously, but somehow he forgot between times just how affecting a simple touch could be. 

Before too long has passed, Newton drew back. "Was that alright?"

"My dear, that was excellent." Newton flushed a little at the compliment which sent a rush of affection through Hermann. "And you really are adorable like this. I'm glad I bought the dress." 

"Yeah, I'm glad you did too. So you wanna cuddle?"

"Yes, I do." 

There was some awkwardness as they arranged themselves on the bed, but eventually they found a position with Newton leant against Hermann, his head on Hermann's shoulder, that let them both watch the screen in comfort. 

Hermann let his hand drift over Newton's back, feeling the softness of the dress. He wasn't sure what had compelled him to buy it but he was glad he had. This was still so tentative, there were so many ways that it might go wrong, but they were going to try. 

Newton was going to try with him. For him. 

It was more than he could have ever hoped for.


End file.
